Annabelle’s Adoption Story
My daughter Annabelle wrote an article recently for a California Fos-Adopt Agency, sharing her heart about the process, sorrows, joys and comfort that God gives through adoption. I thought I would share it here with you.
It was the eighth anniversary of 9/11-the day I met my little sisters. People had said it was supposed to be one of the most exciting days of my life-something I’ll never forget. It’s true, I’ll never forget it, but I must admit that at the time, I had different emotions mixing in my heart. Only a few days before, my life was perfect-I had a wonderful family and a peaceful, quiet home. Then, before I knew it, my old life began to slip through my fingers.
When we met my two beautiful, black sisters, they were sweet and outgoing, yet their story was painful. Although they were only 3 and 5-years-old, they had endured a lifetime of neglect, abuse, and rejection. Their biological parents lived dark lives, caught in addictions and enslavement to substance abuse. In the womb, my little sisters reaped the negative effects of their mother’s alcohol and drug abuse. When they were born, their mother rarely fed them, changed their diapers, or bathed them. The floor on which they learned to crawl was strewn with open drug baggies and other harmful objects. Their father’s severe, painful abuse was, sadly, a normal occurrence. They constantly lived between pain and hunger. Eventually, after two and a half years of this lifestyle, the Child Protective Services removed them from their parent’s care, or lack thereof, and placed them into the foster system.
Despite many foster families positive efforts, the large majority of Foster Care is made up of families whose sole purpose in taking in children is for the extra income it provides, a stipend from the state. My little sisters lived in one such home with several other children. They had no father figure in the home, or correct care and attention. Foster Care was simply a holding place until a family came to adopt them.
We were that family. We were the ones who had been appointed, not only to take them into our home as one of us, but to train, nurture, and help them develop into successful young women. In our inquiries leading up that day, no one had told us of the baggage they would bring with them. By baggage, I don’t mean physical luggage, but rather the deep subconscious battles they must fight daily fight a result of their past. We were called upon to help them fight those battles. Because of their background, and by no fault of their own, they were trapped by emotions and thought processes, which were absolutely false. They had been forced into survival mode at a young age, and eventually, it became a way of life.
Retraining minds is no small task, but loving is an even taller order. These little girls had become my younger sisters, and I must love them. Through their emotional struggles, my peaceful, quiet home, easy life, and joy disappeared. Despite my losses, I was to give them my unconditional devotion? No, that was the line. I simply could not love them. I began to put up a false font to give people around me, including my family, the impression that everything was fine. I could not let anyone know the real difficulties I was struggling with-I thought no one would understand.
Over two years went by, I was still bitter. Never in all that time, was I selflessly thinking about my family or, more specifically, my sisters. It was all about me and the new, uncomfortable lifestyle I had been given. My whole world had been flipped up-side-down, what else was I to do? I felt like my own home was foreign to me, because every time I walked through my front doors, I was hit in the face with the reality of what my new life was like. I lived in remembrance of the joy I had lost, wishing for peace I thought I could not have.
Then at the height of my pain, I was completely broken of all my bitterness. My hopelessness cracked in one word: Jesus. I was taught through God’s Word that I, in fact, was also lost, I was unlovable and totally undeserving of God’s love. No matter how many times I tried to say I was “good,” I realized that I was just like my sisters. Christ, who loved me despite my sin, was the perfect example of how I should treat my sisters. I thought no one would understand my pain, but really, I was the one who did not understand.
After this realization, my life did not become any easier, but my outlook changed. I was looking at my sisters through a different lens, one of love, not indignation. I began to understand that I was exactly like my sisters. I receive God’s love though I don’t deserve it, therefore I should do the same for my sisters.
Adoption is a beautiful process. It goes beyond the physical realm, and into the deepest parts of the spiritual realm. When we accept Jesus into our lives, we become sons and daughters of the Father-adopted into his kingdom. We are blessed with a love beyond all comprehension. Now that we have Christ’s perfect example, we are called to go and do likewise-to love like Christ has loved us.
My family and I have experienced great amounts of pain through this process, but ever greater is our joy. We have seen Christ literally changing lives. Because of his grace and mercy we adopted a two year old little boy from the Foster Care system in 2011. He is a blessing and joy to our home. Now, we are in the process of submitting paperwork for yet another fos-adoption.
Because of Christ’s love for me, an undeserving, unlovable sinner, I can now love others with passion beyond my own strength. Although I had to experience 
pain to realize that fact, I am now more appreciative of my adoptive place into Christ’s family, and am passionate to share it with others.
I encourage you to pray about foster adoption. It is a perfect picture of what the Father has done for us, and a perfect way to carry out his example. Each state has it’s own foster system. Adoption from Foster Care is simple and relatively inexpensive. The United States Department of Health and Human Services stated a few years ago, “On any given day, half a million children are in Foster Care in the United States.” Unfortunately, this large number is rapidly growing. The only way to overcome it is one child at a time. Each one of these children is a human life, waiting to be loved and cared for – waiting for a family. Maybe they are waiting for you. -Annabelle Tague
I am a 14-year-old student, daughter, sister and friend. I have been homeschooled in California my entire life thanks to the Lord and my wonderful parents. It’s through Christ alone that I live, move, and have my being.
Cause for Joy
My oldest daughter Marli began her blog recently, Cause for Joy. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do! It’s filled with recommended practices for Bible reading, scripture memorization and other cool stuff.
Adoption Sunday
At Rancho del Rey Church, we recently spent a Sunday focusing on Adoption. How it affects families, God’s heart for it, and how you can be involved.
https://vimeo.com/41392386
If the video does not display properly, click on this link to go to the video: Adoption Sunday
Interracial Adoption
For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, this documentary by John Piper, Bloodlines, is worth watching.
Thoughts on Adoption and Christmas
About ten days ago, my wife and I stood in a courtroom holding our two-year old son. The court clerk asked us to swear that what we were about to say was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help us God…just like you see on TV. We said yes. Then we sat down and the judge asked us a series of six questions. I honestly don’t remember the exact wording of any of them. I was too choked up and unprepared for the situation. In our previous adoption, a judge from another county just brought us in and had us sign on the dotted line, posed for a few pictures with us and handed our girls a teddy bear each. But this time it was different. The judge in this case wanted to impress upon us the seriousness of what we were doing, and he did, in a big way. We left the courtroom feeling like we had just been involved in a marriage ceremony. We swore to be faithful to our little son Jacobi. We swore we would protect him and allow him to enter into the inheritance of our family and the full rights of what it means to be adopted. Having already had him for six months, we knew we were ready to enter in to this covenant. Since Jacobi is so little, I don’t think he will remember that day. But it was very important for him too. It changed the cycle of everything his past generations have been involved in and created a new path by which he will be allowed to walk in freedom and truth. For me, It was one of the most meaningful days of my entire life. My wife and I were joyful AND exhausted after it was over. And the Tague family now has one more member. Jacobi Ellis Tague.
And then I thought about God. How He adopted us with a solemn oath, with a covenant written in blood and with the sacrifice of his own son. How he allowed us to enter into his own family through freely giving to us a member of his real family, Jesus Christ the righteous one. That is what Christmas really is. The giving of one person, Jesus, for the adoption of many sons and daughters. Christmas is the day we remember what has been given, so that we can receive.
How to do family devotions
Beginning to read God’s word together is one of the best things a family can do. Yet, many families do not take time to participate in this time-honored practice because they believe that they lack either the time or the biblical knowledge. As we shall see, neither of these serve as a sufficient reason to avoid engaging in reading the Word together.
Before we dive into the specifics of the excuses given by many families, let’s investigate why and how we should be reading the word with our family.
Why read the Bible together?
When we think of the education of our children, we think of school or teaching them good manners or social graces. However, few families today realize that spiritually training your children is more important and should consume more time than teaching them etiquette or sports. Many of us dads spend a half an hour playing catch with their sons three times a week? Yet, how many dads take seriously the encouragement in scripture to spiritually train their children? Look at the following scriptures.
“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bid them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.” Deuteronomy 11:18-21
“…Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. They are not just idle words for you-they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess.” Deuteronomy 32:46-47
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6
“The living, the living-they praise you, as I am doing today; fathers tell their children about your faithfulness.” Isaiah 38:19
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” II Timothy 3:14
The Bible verses above place a great priority on “training your children” in the way of the Lord. This is obviously more than just reading the Bible to them or taking them to youth group or church, but definitely not less than that. Reading the Bible to your children gives them a context through which you live your lives corporately as a Christian family. Even before your children can read, they can be enthralled by a Bible story or even by the message behind a Bible story. You don’t have to wait until your children are “old enough to understand.” I began reading the Bible to my oldest daughter Marli when she was born two months prematurely, lying in a hospital islet, all two pounds fourteen ounces of her. Could she understand my words at that time? You may be tempted to say no, but she could hear my soothing voice, and what better things to be entering her mind, even at that age, than the word of God? There are many scriptures that speak clearly about a child’s understanding of God’s presence with them,
“I have known from my earliest days that your decrees never change.” Psalm 119:152 (NLT),
“Yet you brought me safely from my mothers womb and led me to trust you when I was a nursing infant. I was thrust upon you at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born.” Psalm 22:9-10 (NLT)
“You have taught children and nursing infants to give you praise” Psalm 8:2
Some people might look at that story as extreme. And to that I say “absolutely!” I want my children to know that the Word of God was the absolute, unquestioned priority of my life and of our household. Of course, if I am not living as good example of a Christian man, then my witness will be lost to my hypocrisy. But as a father, I must accept the challenge presented to me and by the grace of God, live like a man possessed by the Holy Spirit. Will I always live up to the standard? No. Will I always model Jesus correctly? No. But do I give up reading the scriptures to my children and living accordingly because I will not reach 100% in this life? No. As my children grow toward maturity, they will see my mistakes. They will also begin to understand the Scriptures in deeper ways and will understand the struggle of all Christians to “live as Jesus lived.” And hopefully, my reading the scriptures to them will help that process along.
These scriptures make it clear from both the Old and the New Testaments that training a child to obey the Scriptures is a priority that parents should embrace. If we examine our hearts, we would find that the obstacles we place in the path of fulfilling this duty do not relieve us of this responsibility. Rather they only delay the guilt we feel for not making the lifestyle change necessary to complete this task. It is easy to say, “We don’t have the time.” Or “I don’t know the Bible well enough to teach my kids.” Or “I’m not a pastor.” But just using those excuses does not take away the mandate from God for parents to train their children spiritually. As we will see, it takes less time and biblical knowledge than one might guess to begin to train children in the scriptures.
Now that we have looked at the scriptural mandates to train our children spiritually, let’s look at one of the “how to’s” to train our children, reading the scriptures together as a family.
How to train your children spiritually: read the Bible together
All children are great lovers of stories. Whether it is a bedtime story told by mom or dad or a book of children’s stories, children throughout history and around the world love good stories. It is not a coincidence that God chose to put so much of his word to us in story form. With younger children below age 10, it isn’t feasible to productively read through the entire bible from beginning to end if you want to engage their mind and imagination. However, it is still very possible to read the historical portions of the bible from beginning to end and give them a good feel for the flow and plot of biblical history and salvation. Of course the goal of all spiritual training is the salvation and discipleship of the child. It is understood that reading the Bible does not automatically achieve this goal, yet it is an integral part of moving in the
direction of drawing the child’s mind to think on the things of God.
If you desire to begin reading devotions with your family, there are a couple of basic principles that will make it enjoyable and productive for both you and them.
1. Make sure you set aside the proper time. Personally, I have chosen the 15-20 minutes after breakfast to lead my family in devotions. In some families the father works an early shift, so reading in the morning is not a possibility. Whatever the case, there should be a consistent time during the day when the family is together as a unit. If your family does not have consistent time each day together, then other factors are at work separating your unity and you should evaluate why that is happening. Some families feel too busy in the mornings with school beginning early and too busy at night with sports or extra-curricular activities. They feel it is not practical to read together from the Scriptures. At this point I would again address the basic premise they are setting in their family that extra curricular activities are more important than reading God’s word together. Let’s face it, at the end of the day, is my son’s expertise in soccer more important than his knowledge of God’s Word?
In regards to time, you do not want to bore your children with an elongated time of reading, but neither do you want to make it seem as if this period is just 3-4 minutes tacked on at the end of something else. Therefore, try to schedule out 15-20 minutes to read, think and talk about the story you are reading from God’s Word.
2. Read through the stories of the Bible. History reads like a story, and indeed history is God’s great story. Below is a breakdown of the major sections of the Bible that can be read with children. You don’t necessarily need to start with Genesis and read all the way through these stories, in fact, if you tried, when you got to the New Testament, you would get all four gospels at once, one after another. Rather, begin by reading a Gospel and then Acts, then go to the Old Testament book of Genesis and read through the Exodus, and then read Jonah or Daniel. The point is that there is no divine way of reading. You want your children to learn the historical flow of Genesis through the New Testament, so you might want to create a simple outline that helps them identify the major characters and sections, but if you are constantly in God’s word, both you and they will eventually get the flow of Biblical history.
Sections of the Bible in Story Form
-Genesis
-Exodus 1-20, 32-34
-Numbers 11-14, 16-17:12, 20-25, 31-32
-Deuteronomy 1-11, 34
-Joshua
-Judges
-Ruth
-I & II Samuel
-I & II Kings
-I Chronicles 10-22, 28-29
-II Chronicles 1, 5-36
-Ezra 1, 3-10:17
-Nehemiah 1-7:5, 8-9, 12:27-13
-Esther
-Job 1-2, 38-42
-Psalms (In small doses, as they are able to handle them)
-Proverbs (In small doses as they can be digested)
-Daniel 1-6
-Jonah
-Matthew
-Mark
-Luke
-John
-Acts
3. Choose a modern translation that is not hard to read. It is important, especially when reading a story that you not get bogged down with difficult language. Therefore pick a translation with words that your children will be able to understand. I recommend the New Living Translation – NLT. Remember, the goal is not verse by verse discipleship yet, but getting your children to understand and be excited about the wonderful things God did for His people throughout history.
4. Get excited about the story. There is practically nothing more important than the reader of the story making the story enjoyable to hear. This will mean that you will have to have a passion to teach your children the wonders of God and his work. You don’t have to read the Bible in a monotone voice with no inflection. Read the story as if you were in a play and wanted to get each part you read. I just finished reading the first six chapters of Daniel to my children. As we read Daniel 3:13-14 I raised my voice and shouted because the text says “Nebuchadnezzer, furious with rage, summoned Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego….and said to them ‘Is it true Shadrach Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up?’” It is important that we “put our feelings into it” as they say. But more important, where applicable, we put the Bible characters feelings into it. Do we always know what the biblical characters were feeling when we read what happened to them? No we don’t, but many times we can get a good idea of how they felt by simply reading the story and thinking about how we would have felt if a similar situation came upon us. By now my children are used to their dad doing this type of thing for them when we read stories. You may have an introverted personality and think, “Well I just can’t be outspoken or outrageous like that.” I would respond by telling you to remember that our children see our passion. Is there anything in your life that you are passionate about? Just make sure your children see your passion for God like they see your passion for the other things you love. This is not an introverted vs. extraverted parenting choice but a lifestyle of passion that will find avenues of expression one way or another.
5. Don’t think you have to know it all. I am a pastor by profession and there are times when my children ask questions that I don’t know the answer to. It is ok to tell them, “Honey, I don’t know the answer to that, but what a good question.” At the very least it will promote further discussion for the family as you try to figure out the answer. Remember, your role is not that of a theologian or Bible Answer Man. Our role during this time in our children’s life in this area is more akin to someone who kindles a fire than one who discusses the nature of what makes a fire. You are there to kindle your children’s passion for God and his work. As your children grow in the Lord their questions will become more complex, but don’t let that stop you from engaging them in God’s word. As you grow in Bible study and discipleship, your knowledge of God’s word will also increase and you will feel more capable of answering your children’s questions. When you come up to an issue that neither of you feel capable of addressing, talk to one of the pastors at your church. If they do not know the answer, they should be able to point you in the right direction of a ministry that can.
These suggestions should help you as you seek to lead your family in devotions. There is one thing to remember above all these suggestions and that is cultivating a vibrant personal relationship with Jesus must be the focus of your life if it is to be the focus of your family’s time together. You could use this information and carry out a well-regulated, daily time together in the Bible, but if you are not seeking God with all your heart, if you are not growing actively in your faith, then over time your children will see that this is a dead ritual instead of a living Word from God every morning. It can be a lifeless ritual or one of the most exciting times of the day together. Pray that God would make you the person He wants you to be, so that your children will be influenced by your life of faith and your passion for Jesus. Then as Jesus Christ leads you, you will lead your family.
Orphan Sunday Coming Nov. 6th
There are many diverse callings for us to be involved in as Christians. In our modern world, we are aware of needs through modern media that we would not even have known about in former ages. One of the needs that the Christian
Church is beginning to address is the overwhelming need of orphans in our own country and around the world. In Psalm 68:5-6 God is called “The Father to the fatherless and the defender of widows. This is God whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families;” Having adopted three children, I can personally attest to the life changing ministry that adoption provides to children who need parents. Over the last two years, as my family has grown from three to six children, my wife and I have experienced all the ups and downs of joys and struggles imaginable. We have been stretched beyond our limits and also known the joy of literally changing the lives of kids who were destined for a different life without our intervention. It is still very difficult for me to put into words. My wife Kelli and I try our best to describe it like this: We say that there have been three events that have drastically altered our lives: 1) Getting saved. 2) Our decision to home school our children. 3) Adopting children.
In adopting kids, we have learned how drastically a family environment in Christ can change the life of a child. We have also learned how drastically a child needing love can upset the regular balance of a normal family. I don’t say these things to scare you off. But I am very serious about the reality of adoption. It is a life changing calling, much like becoming a missionary to a foreign culture would be a life changing calling. You should not enter into it without much prayer, thought and counsel from those who have already adopted. But before I scare you away from adoption, let me say this: God drastically gave up everything for us in Christ. Jesus came to the earth and became one of us so that we could come to know God. Through Christ, we have been adopted into God’s own family. I believe that God will call many Christian families to adopt children in order to picture the life altering benefit we have received in Jesus. There are many different types of adoption and many different experiences of adoption. There is international adoption, relinquishment and adoption from the foster care system, to name just a few. Each type of adoption has its own joys and challenges. In thinking about whether adoption is right for you, consider the following suggestions:
-Do you have a strong walk with Christ?
-Do you have a healthy marriage?
-If you have children, do you love parenting?
If you can’t answer yes to those questions, you may want to re-consider adoption. Not everyone is called to adopt children, but some are. Are you called? In my own personal experience, adopting my three younger children was the fulfillment of a dream that God gave to my family and the cause for tremendous spiritual growth. It has also caused three young children to come into the kingdom of God.
If you would like more information about adoption, please visit the Orphan Sunday web site.
Or, email me at Matt@ranchodelreychurch.org, I would love to talk with you about it.
(This blog is from the upcoming Rancho del Rey Church email newsletter, Fall 2011)
Questions about Christianity – Why God?
For all the breadth of human experience, there are probably a thousand questions we humans could ask God in the “Why??” category. This story by some dear friends of mine, Thadd and Kelly MacNeal, re-tells one of their most challenging experiences, when their daughter went through a major medical issue. Read their story here and think about how God is at work even in the most difficult of life circumstances.
Color
A poem by my daughter Marli Tague:
Creamy blue covers the hillside
Spilling purples, pooling greens
Folding golden tinted hillsides into
Inky velvet dreams
Still the sun touches the mountain
Leaving shadows in its wake
The light hangs heavy on the treetops
A breathing, dancing lake
The houses burnish brightly
Their windows flaming mirrors
Catching beams of fire setting
Behind soft cotton tears
Still the green rolls ever onward
Yellow caught up in delight
Olives tinged with avocado
Meadows waving out of sight
And the purple lingers silent
Wafting warm when it is faced
Laden with iced tea and honey
Mint flavored memories retraced
And the laughter in those evenings
Ringing out through the free air
Light casting glowing shadows
On the highlights in your hair
In the twilight you would throw
The windows wide to breath the light
As it faded into darkness
Ecstasy of golden night
To see our Father painting
Frescoed heavens lit in flames
Magenta steeped in oranges
His glory it proclaims
And the colors blend forever
Into raptures of the glow
Sweet memories you give me
In dusk’s purple overflow
About
Matt was born and raised in Carlsbad, Calif. Although he grew up in a devout Christian home, he struggled and rebelled against the Lord as a teenager. However, at eighteen, Matt gave in to God’s love and submitted to Jesus. Soon after, he met and married his wife Kelli. They now have six children and love the role that God has given them as parents.
In 1998, Matt graduated from Vanguard University with a degree in Ministry and Leadership. He is currently pursuing a Master’s Degree in Biblical Studies from Westminster Seminary, California. For the last eighteen years, he has worked for a variety of Christian ministries including Horizon Christian Fellowship, the Christian Research Institute, and Carlsbad Community Church.
In 2005, the Lord called Matt to plant Rancho del Rey Christian Church in Carlsbad, California. Matt’s heart desire is to help people see Jesus in all his glory. He and his wife are passionate about parenting, adoption, The Bible, missions, discipleship and helping people see Jesus in every aspect of life. His life’s calling is to present the Jesus of the Bible to people who don’t yet believe, and to encourage fellow Christ-followers to live in complete, life-altering obedience to God. He recently authored his first book, Read the Word: The Bible was written for you.
